The first time we fucked was at the back of the red barn on the Meyer’s property.
His cock had a mean 30-degree angle and no amount of warming up could get a woman ready for such brutality against the splintery wall. When we finished, he kissed me tender, thinking the blood was from my first time. I bit my lip and hoped I wasn’t losing my baby.
I didn’t and we married three months later. I let people assume our big-head boy was born early and surprisingly the rumour held weight. No one doubted those bright blue eyes had been inherited from my doting husband. Plus, ain’t too many of those looking like me snagging a white man.
It may have been my Daddy’s ties that kept me safe. Or my Mama’s ability to hold secrets loose enough to pass them to the next generation.
Me and my brother held that town in the palms of our sweaty, black as fuck hands.
We held it delicate. Until we buried our parents side by side, death claiming them in the form of a mean cough within days of one another. They’d refused the doctor and we weren’t ones to defy them.
They left us with nothing but those secrets.
Somehow, they knew we would be okay. Somehow, they were pleased with the dexterity with which we held and balanced the white lives of so many dirty motherfuckers.
My brother was the first to snap, squeezing the contents of his left hand a bit too hard and bucking at white boy Jim. Jim had exactly three screws loose and not one fuck to give. My daughter found her uncle strung up against an oak tree, his hands cut off and his tongue stretched.
Hostility grew, but gall didn’t. I still had my white husband on my arm, still had my hands full. My heart was heavy but my lips remained sealed.
Just once, I took a bite. Held the gaze of Mary Mulligan in Centre Square as I held her secret in front of her and let my teeth sink deep into its center, light bursting all around us. The town froze, watching as they tried to grasp the words floating, swimming, dancing all around Mary Mulligan and her hourglass shape. I chewed as the shadows converged, standing tall, melding until a man we both knew too well stood before her, translucent, but solid enough to let his tears smudge her makeup.
I swallowed and he was gone.
Mary Mulligan didn’t meet my eye after that. None of the town did, which was fine by me.
I still showed my face, still walked with my husband, still had my children play in the Square.
No one bothered us. No one ever will.
Because every night, just before bed, I share my burden with my babies, all six of them. And they recite them right back.
We are the glue of this town, whether they want us or not. We are obligated to them to keep their lives pure and they are obligated to us to make sure we do. No relationship is perfect. But this will do.
Of Trinidadian descent, Zin E. Rocklyn (she/they) is a horror and dark fantasy author hailing from Jersey City NJ. A contributor to several anthologies, including a non-fiction essay in the Hugo Award-winning Uncanny Magazine’s Disabled People Destroy Science Fiction, the Joseph Pulver Award-winning writer is a graduate of 2017 VONA and 2018 Viable Paradise workshops.
Learn more about Zin E. Rocklyn in the upcoming 140+ Black Women in Horror, a comprehensive guide to some of the most powerful voices on the scene. Click here for a free download of the current version, then come back this Spring for the newest book updated with dozens of new entries!
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